The ABCs of Cleaning


Aaaand a deep soothing breath at the organised loveliness. And the realisation of how many copies of the same film you actually have.

“They’re due here in twenty minutes, how’s the tidying going?”

“And…. done!”

“Really, wow, OK, so if you just go and… wait, have you hoovered?”

“Ah, no.”

“Or dusted?”

“Not yet.”

“And you’ve not put the ironing away, tidied your stuff or done any of the washing up.”

“I have done all these jobs previously. But in this exactly situation, I cannot claim they’ve not been done in the literal definition of the word, no.”

“So what HAVE you done?”

“Alphabetised the DVDs of course.”

“Why, when you know we don’t have long? I asked you to do one thing…”

“Yes, tidy, which by your own confession contains at least 5 jobs you listed earlier in the conversation. How was I to know alphabetising DVDs wasn’t one of them? If I worked in a libarary and said I’d tidied the whole place but hadn’t alphabetised the books by boss would go loopy!”

“But you don’t work in a library!”

“Oh you always throw that back in my face, don’t you? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t work in a library. There, are you happy?”

“I… I… I don’t understand what’s happening!”

“And now, when your parents arrive after a long journey we can say “hey guys, do you fancy watching a film?” and be able to locate any title within 15.7 seconds rather than wasting all that time. But I bet you didn’t think of that did you? You just want them to be sat in awkward silence while we faff around with mumbled apologies and furtive glances while they judge me.”

“OK, OK, I’m sorry, alright? I’ll help by ironing and putting the hoover round.”

“Cool, in that case I’ll go jump in the shower. Thanks!”

photo credit: Pristine DVDs via photopin (license)